I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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