Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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