i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
