i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
