Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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