something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
