I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
