she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
