Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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