My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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