Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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