Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
