I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
