My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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