My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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