So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
