I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize