I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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