4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
