dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
