i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
