I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
