yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
