Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
