Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
