you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
