Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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