his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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