I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
