I looked at my own cervix.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
