i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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