I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito