Ambien. No doubt about it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!