Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
