Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
