you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
