Texts From Last Night

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  (831): View more from California

  My boss' voice literally gives me gas

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  (831): My boss' voice literally gives me gas http://tfl.nu/s0me
  Replies (5) Good night (665) Bad night (2321)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.

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  (856): i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again. http://tfl.nu/ts1b
  Replies (17) Good night (673) Bad night (2410)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

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  (403): I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass... http://tfl.nu/21fm
  Replies (16) Good night (3877) Bad night (1070)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.

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  (845): Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again. http://tfl.nu/z1x4
  Replies (8) Good night (864) Bad night (5417)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person

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  (715): I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person http://tfl.nu/kk0f
  Replies (16) Good night (2686) Bad night (1045)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance

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  (207): i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance http://tfl.nu/4kjn
  Replies (3) Good night (3682) Bad night (780)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?

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  (443): Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree? http://tfl.nu/odr7
  Replies (10) Good night (3015) Bad night (979)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

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  (202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb
  Replies (50) Good night (2492) Bad night (5550)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  the ladder is at the bottom of the pool

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  (440): the ladder is at the bottom of the pool http://tfl.nu/1udk
  Replies (9) Good night (1808) Bad night (932)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.

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  (575): He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo. http://tfl.nu/zgra
  Replies (3) Good night (1726) Bad night (743)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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  (814): She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow. http://tfl.nu/dddh
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (1268)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me

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  (860): It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me http://tfl.nu/na7x
  Replies (3) Good night (807) Bad night (498)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.

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  (306): This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks. http://tfl.nu/6laj
  Replies (4) Good night (1782) Bad night (386)
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  (530): View more from California

  Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.

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  (530): Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs. http://tfl.nu/m09k
  Replies (2) Good night (1572) Bad night (378)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."

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  (907): I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award." http://tfl.nu/96ui
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (104)

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