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• (646): View more from New York

  I can't breathe out the right side of my face

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  our cab driver is having phone sex.

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• (925): View more from California

  im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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• (310): View more from California

  If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.

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• (+86): View more from China

  Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (585): View more from New York

  They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.

  (716): View more from New York

  So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?

  (585): View more from New York

  Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.

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• (707): View more from California

  It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed

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• (347): View more from New York

  Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil

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