Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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