Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I love having hate sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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