Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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