Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
