I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
