I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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