So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
