Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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