You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
