I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
