Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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