glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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