did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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