he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
