Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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