Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
