Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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