I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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