I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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