It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
