I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
