only if we run a train.
done.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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