nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
