college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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