she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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