At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
