drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
