just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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