Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
