Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
