I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
