Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
