Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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