people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
