There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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