I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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