I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
