We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
