You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
