Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Randomize
