Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
